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Monday, 26 May 2014


Something a little different tonight - I feel in a romantic mood.
Please press the play button and enjoy the music as you read my poem.  

I hope you enjoy it as much as I shall enjoy the dance.

* * * * * * * *

I saw her standing before me; vivid, charismatic and smiling, as if her very being and soul was beckoning mine to hers. My heart skipped several beats as it surrendered totally to her captivating beauty, in total harmony with a lyrical melody, beginning to play.

* * * * 

From across a misty ballroom floor she had first captured my affection.

Her large attractive eyes had targeted my very being and then struck home decisively and pierced my beating heart. 

Never before, without even one word spoken, had such magnetism affected me this way, commanding my full attention towards this lovely lady, at this most precious of moments.  

It seemed as though we had been created for each other and I knew in an instant she was the lady of my dreams and I knew she felt that way too.  

I watched her as if transfixed and my world stood still. I was aware only of her beauty, and only of her smiling and loving face, as our tune was played to a delightful melody, accompanying the rapid beating of my heart strings.

As I drew a little closer she stretched out a slender hand, so invitingly, as if creating a link to her mind and gorgeous body. 

As she walked a little closer towards me I felt our eyes totally transfixed together, as if a pathway had been constructed to connect and merge our souls.

We paused just inches apart, each mirroring each other's every movement.  I could smell the sweet fragrance of her perfume as we spoke our names.  

She opened up herself completely to me and I took her in my arms, holding her closer and closer, as we danced our dreams away; still gazing and totally mesmerised by each other as the delightful music played. 

I stroked her cheek then ran my hand gently through her hair and then I kissed her tenderly on the lips. I felt them part in ecstasy and then I whispered something magical in her ear. 

She held me even closer, as we danced and danced the night away. I felt her warm and enticing body move as one with mine across the floor and felt the dawn of her passion and heard the sigh of her love.  
She let her lovely head fall gently on my shoulder and I felt a tear of joy as we danced until the break of day.


Well that was a bit different wasn't it?
This music really moves me. I heard it recently on the radio.

It is Dvorak Slavonic Dance No. 2.  

* * * * * * * *
Soon, something different

Friday, 23 May 2014


Well - I have been dreading this all week!!!  

 My natural shyness would normally prohibit me from adhering to your most persistent and insistent badgering, which I have been receiving all week, since my last post!!

Eventually I caved in !!!

I just knew this would happen!!!

So I took a deep breath and got into my banana skin once more . . . . just for you!!
The things I for for my fellow bloggers.

You really ARE an inquisitive lot!

Your natural curiosity can be categorised into five distinct sections:

1.  Q. How do you manage to walk without falling over?
A. On my feet, they are on the end of my legs, you silly people!

2. Q.  How can we tell whether you are right way up or upside down?
A.  Stand on your heads and if I don't look right do a 180 degree flip!

3.  Q. Will you break if you sit down?
A. Some hopes sitting down in this lot besides I would not risk it!

4.  Q. Has anyone ever said, "I want to eat you!"
A.  I shall refrain from answering this question!!

5. Q.  What do people say to you when you meet them in the street?
A.  Oh! a whole range of things like:

Are you going to live to a RIPE old age?
How do you bend down to untie your shoe laces?
Can you stand on your head?
Can you run faster than a monkey?
Do you hang out with a BUNCH of guys?
When you enter a grocery store do the ladies try to buy you first?
Can I unzip you?
Do you ever go green with envy?
Have you ever had a fight with a cucumber?
Would you feel like a cannibal if you ate a banana?
Have you ever forgotten to do up your zipper?
Has your zip ever broken?
Has anyone ever confused you with a satsuma?
Have you ever been booked for acting like a suspicious character?

 . . . oh and many others!

The remaining comments are quite unprintable!

(A more sensible post next time - I promise)

Thursday, 15 May 2014


I thought I had better post something new in case you might have thought I'd 'kicked the bucket'. 
Well, here I am, very much alive and well.

I expect most of you will remember I used to be an Ambulance Man, working for a private company in Bristol.  These were some of the happiest days of my life and I thoroughly enjoyed everything about the work I was privileged to do for 5 years - patient care, getting to know and love the patients, the driving, the buzz of driving vehicles like this Land Rover, working with all my colleagues, working with nurses and doctors, enjoying all the admiring glances of the public in general, waving to the ladies. I still miss the work but I do reminisce from time to time. Mostly, I drove patients to and from Kidney Dialysis Units for renal dialysis.  To keep alive patients needed this for 4 hours three times a week.

I drove this blue ambulance regularly. We called it The Sunshine Bus and here it is shown overlooking a beautiful reservoir which I called The Lake.  I used to walk round it during my lunch break and it inspired me to write poetry and stories while I was there. The scenery round there is stunning and on a summer's evening it was wonderful driving around watching the sunsets over the lake and the sea, nearby.

I worked also on other ambulances as a team with my friend Richard. This often involved stretcher work and carry chair lifting.  I enjoyed all the work immensely.

I first posted "Silly Saturday at the Ambulance Station" in April 2009 and thought I would re-post it to highlight the fun we used to have at the station - particularly one Saturday morning when our sometimes over developed sense of humour plus a surplus of testosterone almost caused things to go out of control.

This photograph shows all is quiet at the Ambulance Station - some vehicles have returned - but most are still out, some on their missions ferrying renal patients to and from hospital and renal units for dialysis, and some for longer hospital to hospital transfer of patients.

All appears perfectly normal, yet a few hours before one particular Saturday morning things were so different, for on that day we all went absolutely bananas:

 It was wonderful!

An ambulance was parked very badly blocking the exit of the station - someone wanted to get out. Five crews were ready to go - all vehicle checks were completed satisfactorily and we were free to 'go mobile' as the phrase says.

I was in a sixth vehicle driving the blue sunshine bus, without blue lights or sirens, and another colleague was driving just an ambulance car, acceptable for some jobs. We all were blocked in.

The driver in the offending vehicle suddenly became the recipient of a loud horn blast from a large ambulance behind, followed by several other horn blasts and shouting, "Come on, mate, get your finger out, we can't get out!"

When the chap in front gave us a rude hand gesture (in fun I hasten to add) the horn noises escalated significantly and short siren bursts emitted from the vehicle behind, followed by a chorus of similar blasts from the other ambulances. By this time everyone was in fits of laughter and all were making rude signs to each other with clenched fists shaking at one another.

Then someone switched on the main siren with blue lights flashing wildly. Of course this was followed by all five ambulances, making a dickens of a din.

Unfortunately all I could do to join in the party was to switch on my hazard warning lights and blast my horn whilst shouting and shaking my fists - quite feeble really.

Then someone turned on a microphone in a vehicle. A loud message boomed across the station, "Get out of the way, you silly old fart!" which elicited a sharp response from the offending vehicle, "Who the 'ell are you calling me a silly old fart! . . . .  you just come over here and say that and I'll floor you!"  "What do you mean? how dare you!".  Everyone went mad!

More loudspeakers were turned on in chorus uttering obscenities which are best left unsaid, as you may well imagine. The noise was deafening! Male adrenalin levels headed ever skyward! Inland Seagulls on the roofs around scarpered for safety! The women drivers and attendants joined in with their shrieks and they were in uncontrolable hysterics, generally siding with the chaps they liked best!

We were all falling about laughing by this time. To me it looked so comical to see all these ambulances with expressionless faces arguing and fighting with each other - with sirens and microphones at full belt and my little horn feebly attempting to join in.

Above this glorious chaos, with ever rising crescendo, a loud PA speaker sprang into action from the control desk, "What the b_ _ _ _ _ 'ell is going on out there? You! get that b _ _ _ _ _  ambulance out of the way so you can all get out . . . . and all of you b _ _ _ _ _ off and get to work! Now!"

Richard seized his opportunity to score a point shouted through his microphone,  the loudest, "I've got a bigger one than you!" I got out of my vehicle and rushed over to him in mock battle, shaking my fists and everyone joined in. We all ended up in the middle all falling about laughing.

Then as suddenly as it started  all was quiet and we resumed with the business of the day. Normality had returned.

Friday, 9 May 2014


GOSH! Look what they did to our roof!!!

Definitely not a project one wants to undertake every 5 minutes

These concrete tiles were way past their best!

Although our roof was not leaking, the felting was very brittle and torn, the tiles were beginning to crumble and crack with age and the tile battens had begun to degrade. I had been thinking of replacing the 50+ year old roof for a few years and got a chance when our next door neighbour built his extension, including replacing his roof.  The builder gave us a very good price for upgrading both house roofs, so in the summer of 2012 he erected scaffolding round both houses and work began. The extension next door was well underway and when all the building work was completed there they started work on the roofs, ours first.  Fortunately they chose a dry day.  They did one side at a time so they could cover it as quickly as possible in case of rain.

That morning there was a thunderous noise on our roof and we saw 4 men throwing our tiles into a large skip.  Then they ripped off the tile battens and felt and began hammering new tile battens into place.  Maria and I went out shopping and just left them to it.

On this shot you can make out the new roofing felt which allows the roof to breathe much better whilst being totally impervious to water.  It is very strong but very thin and the idea is very clever.

Oh . . . . and look what they found up there!! Poor bird must have got trapped in the roof space somewhere.

Not in quite as good condition as our roof timbers.  We were very pleased to hear that these were in very good condition.

Once the battens were in place they proceeded fitting the new Double Roman tiles, which fitted perfectly and instead of cementing ridge tiles like they used to, they screwed in modern dry ridge tiles which also allow more roof ventilation.

Of course that gave me an excuse to be a boy again and climb up my ladder onto the scaffolding and have a walk round.  Notice the wrap round verge tiles, just above my hand, which are a great idea, since these allow no wind to get underneath and lift them.  Originally they used ordinary tiles and cemented the edges in place but eventually the  cement cracked and allowed wind to get underneath and sometimes ties blew off the roof in violent storms.  When I was younger I replaced and re-cemented many tiles in our street, after strong gales in 1987 and 1993.

(No it is not Quasimodo up there looking for Esmeralda, although you can't see my bluelights behind those shades!)

While the scaffolding was in place I applied another coat on masonry paint to the walls. This was much easier to do than on two previous occasions when I worked off just a ladder. I was in my element up there moving and throwing scaffolding planks around  whist cleaning and washing out all the gutters, then washing down the barge boards, fascias and soffits. 

I even erected a new TV aerial whilst I was up there.

We had a sun tunnel fitted into the roof to lighten up the bathroom and works very well and lets a lot of light through the bathroom ceiling.

And because our gate arch was demolished during the house extension next door they had to rebuild our gate arch at their expense.

It was interesting watching them do it and I got quite friendly with the 'bricky'.

And Mike next door asked me if I would paint his new masonry walls since he knew I used to paint houses, so I came out of retirement and did that for him, along with other work he asked me to do on a paid basis.

Well all this occurred nearly two years ago and it is a pity Maria is not here to share and enjoy the improvements but at least it is reassuring to know this roof will see me out by a mile and I wont have to worry about that.

I was quite sad when the scaffolding came down! 

 . . . . .and while I was up there I took down a bird box I made for Great Tit birds.  It is too heavy and getting a bit old and it needs renewing and 
re-siting to a more accessible place.  I will get round to that later in the year.

You can see all three compartments for these 'terraced' houses have been occupied - long overdue for cleaning and disinfecting.
Did you know birds will not nest again in a box unless the old nest has been removed.  There are no second hand homes in birdland - the birdie Missus' always see to that!

Remember this shot from a previous post?

Just got him going in.

I took some video shots two years ago of Blue Tits and Great Tits plus their chicks.  I hope to post that soon when my clever son shows me how to do it.

Monday, 5 May 2014


I forgot to take a £10 note from my trouser pocket recently and something strange happened after I fed it, plus other items of laundry into my washing machine. I don't know how it happened but the £10 note must have come out of the pocket, survived the wash and was neatly sitting behind the door after the wash when I entered the room - weird!

On the subject of absent mindedness I am grateful to my friend Sue for sending this hilarious account of her busy day

If you are watching, Sue, please accept my sympathy LOL
(I jest it wasn't about her - she just sent it - thanks)

This sounds like my typical day!

Thank goodness there's a name for this disorder.

Age-Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.
This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden.
As I turn on the hose in the driveway, 

I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.

As I start toward the garage, 

I notice mail on the porch table that
I brought up from the mail box earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys on the table,
put the junk mail in the 
rubbish can under the table,
And notice that the can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back. 

On the table and take out the rubbish first...

But then I think, 

Since I'm going to be near the mailbox
When I take out the 
rubbish anyway,
I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my cheque book off the table, and see that there is only one cheque left.

My extra cheques are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke I'd been drinking.
I'm going to look for my cheques,
But first I need to push the Coke aside
So that I don't accidentally knock it over.

The Coke is getting warm,
And I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke,
A vase of flowers on the counter
Catches my eye--they need water.

I put the Coke on the counter and
Discover my reading glasses that
I've been searching for all morning.
I decide I better put them back on my desk,
But first I'm going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter,

Fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote.
Someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV 
I'll be looking for the remote,
But I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table,
So I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs,
But first I'll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers, 
But quite a bit of it spills on the floor.

So, I set the remote back on the table, 
Get some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day:
The car isn't washed,
The bills aren't paid,
There is a warm can of
Coke sitting on the counter,
The flowers don't have enough water,
There is still only 1 cheque in my cheque book,
I can't find the remote,
I can't find my glasses,
And I don't remember what I did with the car keys.

Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today,
I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day,
And I'm really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem,
And I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail...

Do me a favour.
Forward this message to everyone you know,
Because I don't remember who I've sent it to.

Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!

I don't remember who sent it to me, so if it was you, I'm sorry

Sunday, 4 May 2014


Blogger has fouled up my last post and won't let it appear on my sidebar - it seems to have a mind of it's own!!

So for those who didn't see it and for those who want to return please press HERE

It's not as boring as it looks - honestly ROFL

Hope to post something new soon.


I feel so sorry for you poor guys waiting very patiently for me to post!
(I'm not actually - I'm highly amused!)

I hope after all this time my beloved followers have not forgotten the way to my blog and are not too bored waiting for me.

But come on, when you do pop over I always give you a bit of a laugh don't I?

This photo really cracks me up and I thought I'd adapt it for the occasion. 
I've never seen a bunch of individuals more bored than these guys! Aren't they marvellous?
and I thought the captions might emphasise their total tedium LOL

It's as though they are waiting  for our economy to recover
Watching an extremely long tidily winks match
Waiting for the Summer to begin in England

So what have I got for you today?

As usual on a Friday, I was driving a bus for Dial-A-Ride.  It is always an interesting experience and  offers unexpected surprises every time.

I live near a lady aged 103. She is quite remarkable in that she lives alone in her flat and is quite independent and manages to look after herself.  Further, she is happy to retort that she has no artificial hips or knees and that all her original equipment is in perfect working order.  Her words - not mine!  Incidentally, she has an incredible sense of humour and we bounce off each other very well and she is very sharp.  I asked her to what she owed her longevity and she replied. "I chose my parents correctly but I am a little disappointed because my eldest sister lived only until she was 100".

I expressed my surprise that she was asking for such a lot more than was already very generous, to which she replied, "Nonsense! My mother lived until she was 102, my grand parents 95 and my father was killed in the Battle of The Somme in WW1 when he was 40 - so you can't count him."

She was having a job getting up the steps onto the bus so I asked her if she required assistance.  She said, "Give me a push, there's a good man!".  

I said, "Where would you like me to push you?"

She said, "Oh! what the hell, give my bottom a push, it's much easier!"

I said, "Would you like me to give you an initial push on the first step or should I do it on all three steps?"

She said, "A girl is young only once so go for it on every step!"  . . . . . . . . .  I was in hysterics!

When we got to the top another lady aged about 82 was laughing her socks off and I said to her, "This lady is 103", to which she replied, "Yes, and she still likes her bottom pushed, doesn't she?"

All three of us had a good laugh.

There are some great characters on this Dial-A-Ride service.

Another chap who I like very much is 92 and let's call him Don.
I've known him for 5 years and during my first stint at the job he was quite a misery and complained about everything, so we humoured him and tried to do our best.

Five years later he is a changed man - he is friendly and laughs at all my jokes - so he can't be too bad can he?  I picked him up at the Supermarket at four o'clock one Friday afternoon, and he asked me, "Ed, do you ever get any miserable people giving you grief? . . . . to which I replied, "Only on a Friday afternoon at 4 o'clock!"  He roared with laughter.  He said, "You're the best driver they've got - we can have a good laugh with you, to which I said, "Don, what did Mozart do as soon as he died?" He said, "I dunno, tell me!"  I said, "He started decomposing!"

Another chap, George, is about 95 and was a Merchant Seaman.  I said, "George! to what do you owe your longevity?"

He replied, "Several things - I'll list them:

1.  I never got married
2.  I had a girl in every port
3.  I drink a glass of Cranberry Juice every day
4.  I drink half a bottle of whiskey a day!"

I do meet some interesting characters.

I met a dear lady aged 99 when on Ambulance duty! I was taking her from a Residential Care Home to Bath Royal United Hospital for a check up.  She said, "Eddie, next time I go I shall be 100!"
On the way I pointed out a lovely cottage and I said, "Doris, see that cottage there?  My great Grandfather used to live there!"  She asked, "Is he still alive?"  I said, "Doris, if he was he would be 167.  Should we knock on the door and ask him to make us a cup of tea?"

I have a lot more to say about my Dial-A-Ride job and my Ambulance days - but will keep this for other occasions!  

I hope those poor sods in the picture are feeling a bit better now.

Have a great weekend one and all.